Forever

"I am leaving, Alin, baby," I said holding him on my arms.
"And when you will come back?" his little fingers were trying to undone the first button of my blouse.
"I am not coming back."
"Are you leaving forever?"
"Forever, baby."
"What does it mean 'forever'?" Alin was still not looking at me, his eyes were down, so I could see how surprisingly long his eyelashes are. "When my mummy left me here, in the fundation, she also said 'forever'." He finally looked at me and smiled while I was holding my tears back and trying to figure out how to explain to a 6 years old boy the meaning of the word 'forever'.
Alin, baby, I didn`t tell you that, because I couldn`t. Instead I am writing now. I hope one day you will understand what your mother and me meant by this word. And I hope you will forgive us.
Forever means that probably I will never hold you on my arms like now. Forever means that I will never hear screaming "la masa" (at the table) two times per day (on weekends 3 times). Forever means that I will never be able to embarrass Mariuss, by singing and dancing on the streert at 7 o`clock in the morning. It means I will never hear from anyone saying "pofta buna" (enjoy your meal) the way Niki says it. It means that I will never hear anyone laughing like Andreea and Eugen together. It means that I will never smell barilla with pesto like Roberto make them smell. I will never hear Mona`s screaming, seeing a mouse taking shower or seeing Roberto putting cereals in yogurt in a wrong way. Probably I will never again laugh so badly with anyone from Vilnius. (Maybe from Kaunas, yes) I will never hear such funny English expressions like Bea makes up. (Instead of 'ugly curtains' - 'angry curtains') No one will say to me: " Stii? Je t`aime." like Daniel says it. And no other carpet will serve like a bed so regularly. And for sure I will never get such a lovely massage like Alin makes. And probably I will never eat mamaliga with smantana and cheese never again.
I have had my ups and downs. We have had our ups and downs, but we made out of that the best time a volunteer could have living together with other 6 volunteers, 25 younger and older boys and other human beings. And now I am very sad, because I know I cannot keep these people with me forever (even if I wanted:). But I also know that there won`t be a day (at least for one year) that I don`t think about them.
These 8 months in Romania (well, actually around 5 thanks to Balkan flexipass:) will always haunt me. In a good way. Of course (For those who know - read like Niku would say). Because I could`t have had better time.
And I wasn`t alone this time.
Because of you, people.
With all my love to you,
Lelde.